Even though April has been divorced for seven years now, she’s decided that she doesn’t want to date. She believes she’s single at heart and although she’s keeping the door open, she doubts that she would commit to another long-term relationship. While many of the divorced women I speak to say, they don’t see themselves getting married again, most of them would enjoy a committed relationship. So I asked April, what was it about being single that she enjoys the most. Here’s April:
I love that my time is really my time. Granted, there’s not a lot of it that’s not already metered out to responsibilities as a parent, responsibilities in my job, responsibilities to my family and even to my friends, but when I get a little free time, it’s
Every single time, it’s like a major decision to figure out how to spend those few hours that are just for me and the thought of trying to fit somebody else’s needs in there – no. I like that I get to make those decisions for me.
Yesterday, I had four hours where the girls were at rehearsal and it was like “woohoo!” The hours, of course, flew by. I had to stop at my parents’ house because my daughter left lunch box there and then I ended up talking to my parents for an hour. Then I went to the grocery store and next thing I knew, it was time to pick them again.
Even just when they go to bed, then it’s my time to sit down and watch a little TV or go on the Internet or do whatever I want to do. It’s my decision. Call it being a control freak, if you will, but I like that little control I have over those few hours.
I moved from Rochester to L.A. so I could be close to my parents and there have certainly been times when I’ve called my parents and said,
“I can’t stand another minute.”
They’re happy to watch the kids for me for a few hours. Now it’s more organic. I get a few free hours here or there or my parents will call and say,
“We haven’t seen the girls in a while, why don’t you bring them over.”
So I do get some free time and I’ve gotten pretty good about using that time. Lately, it’s just been staying home, enjoying those few hours that I have to be completely alone. I love it.
I told April that I didn’t think wanting to be in control of those few hours she gets each day is being a control freak at all. When my kids were younger, I used to jealously guard those hours. My kids are older now, my eldest is driving and so I do get more free time but it can be unpredictable. The few hours a day that are practically guaranteed are in afternoons before school gets out and I’m still very protective of them.
I can identify with April not wanting to share those hours with someone else and that’s one of my stock answers when someone asks me why I’m not dating. I take that as a sign of not being ready to date and when I am ready, that will change.
What do I like about being single? Being able to do what I want in my free time without having to justify or OK it with someone else. Oh … and sleeping alone in my king-size bed 🙂
What do you enjoy about being single? If you’re dating, do you feel it takes away from your free-time? Is it worth it?
April blogs about balancing her life at It’s All About Balance – please visit her blog and show her some bloggy support. If you want to read more about her ex, she’s has a helpful page X-Chronicles page with links to posts related to her ex.
Photo Credit: LaMenta3 at Flickr