Yesterday, I introduced you to Marjorie who agreed to delay filing for divorce at her husband’s request. At first she thought it was so they could work out their separation with little disruption to the children. Now, with hindsight, she believes he was putting in motion everything he needed to destroy her. She played right into his hands by getting herself arrested for domestic violence. Here’s Marjorie:
On November 17, 2010, I had intended to go about my usual Wednesday, take the kids to school, drop them off, and then I had a bible study that I had been attending for several years.
Instead, my husband woke me up out of my sleep, telling me that he’s having chest pains and just going on. The argument started when I’m telling him “you need to go to a doctor. ” The name-calling started. He was holding up our wedding album. My husband was a very religious man, and he loved to use the Bible as a way to mind-control me,. He would start quoting scripture, and then out of the other side of his mouth he would be calling me a slut and a whore and all these other types of names.
So he knew what he was doing that morning, and he got me. I grabbed the wedding album and I threw it at him. He ducked, the wedding album hit the wall, pictures went flying all over the place, so the wedding album didn’t hit him. Then he says, “I’m calling the police.”
I didn’t really think anything of it. So I’m in the room picking up all the pictures off the floor and I’m crying. I hear him calling the police and giving them the address. He hangs up the phone and locks himself in the bathroom until the police got there.
The police come, we give our two sides of the story. I thought they were just going to take our statements and leave. After I’m done, I’m helping the girls get dressed, because the whole time they were in the other side of the house. They hadn’t seen anything. So we get dressed and we get ready to go out to the car.
Then, the police officer comes up to me and says, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to take you in.” I asked why and he said, “Well, your husband is adamant about pressing charges. With any sort of domestic violence, if the one person feels fearful of the other party, then someone has to be taken away, and since you were the one that admitted to throwing the wedding album, which means it’s a threat of bodily harm, then you have to be the one that has to go down.”
I had my girls in the car and my oldest jumped out of the car and she’s like, “You are kidding me. You are kidding me!” She looks at him and she’s like, “What are you doing?”
He just had this stone cold look on his face, he didn’t want to hear anything, and they handcuffed me in front of my girls and put me in the back of the police car.
I’m telling my oldest daughter, “Calm down. I need you to go into the house, I need you to secure certain things, and just wait for me to call,” because the police officer said, “I’ll get you down there, you’ll be booked, and then I’ll have you out in a few hours.”
The police officer, he knows what’s going on, he said, “It’s a shame, I know y’all are going through a divorce and this didn’t have to happen. I asked your husband if he really wanted to do this, but my hands are tied. I’ve got to do this.” I said, “That’s fine, it’s fine.”
We get down there, they book me and I’m thinking, “I’m going to be processed and out.” Then they tell me, “Oh, I’m sorry. First appearance have already gone out, you’re going have to stay overnight.”
It’s just amazing how you can wake up one morning and your whole life as you knew it is gone and it’s not because of some natural turn of events, but it’s because of someone else’s choosing. That’s the hard pill to swallow.
The Divorce Coach Says
I’m pretty sure this isn’t the type of incident the domestic violence laws are designed to protect against. What this segment demonstrates is how a person can take their knowledge of the law (and yes, Marjorie’s husband had consulted with an attorney two days prior to this event) and use it to their advantage and you know, this story is far from over. It. is. frightening.
As I said yesterday, once you start talking about divorce, you need to be on the alert for red flags, prepare for the worst and hope for the best.
Photo credit: 911 Bail Bonds Las Vegas
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I am just shaking my head over this…I saw this when I was married…between my now ex and his previous ex. He had her arrested in front of their kids. I told him not to do it. It was foolish, damaging and stupid. He lost his children, he lost in court, he lost in the end. It did backfire and it changed everyone’s life. But, unfortunately, it doesn’t always or even usually work like that. People like that, who are just evil to be evil…it is sad…there are just no words, and the fact that the laws can be twisted to service that evil is beyond comprehension. The bigger question is what to do change how the system works and the bigger problem is how to go about making those changes.
Agree completely, Lee. It’s soul-destroying to be the adult who has to contend with this type of behavior – even worse when there’s a large financial inequity that can fund continuing litigation with the aim of maintaining a hold or control.
Lee – did you have any clue that your now ex was like this? Is he repeating his behavior with you?
Wow, this made me stop in my tracks. I realize now hat I could have had my former spouse arrested many times. He did some pretty awful things, including showing up at my new home and ranting and raving in the yard so all my new neighbors could see. Very disturbing for me and my daughter. Isn’t it amazing how the police will just follow the letter of the law rather than look at the situation in its entirety and assess what is really happening. What a nightmare for this woman…I feel for her.
I am sure there are situations when law enforcement sense/feel that it’s contrived but their hands are tied and they definitely don’t want to be accused of not acting in a situation that turns out to be truly dangerous. I do think that if you handle the situation without involving the police it’s best, even if it is embarassing. But if you’re concerned for your own or your children’s safety, then you have to get help.
I don’t know how I’d react in such a situation – I know I’d wish my children just didn’t have to witness it. How did your daughter feel about her dad after this?
“like most women”. really? have a lot of experience w/ that do you?
Something similar just happened to me and I spent 30 hours in jail. It was the worst day of my life. I lost my temper and was yelling at him and technically I started the fight but he took it took it really far. I told the cop I started it and he was choking me and throwing me on the floor. The cop arrested us both. He said if I had marks he would get him for strangulation. I didn’t have marks. I spent a night in an overcrowded jail and slept on the floor next to the toilet. UGG!
I’m in the same boat. My husband took away all my rights to or bank account and even changed passwords so that I couldn’t even see what was going on about a month ago. He began to put me down for not making as much money as he does. Well I got a flat tire and asked him how I was to pay for a new tire. He told me to pay for it myself. I said that I wouldn’t get paid until next week and he began calling me a liar and to stay away from his wallet and stay away from him screaming at me about paying bills and told me to leave so he could keep his money. So I slapped him in the face. He called the cops and I was in jail for 28 hours. Now I am not allowed to go home. It’s 2 weeks from Christmas. My kids will be home with me tomorrow but I am deeply depressed now.
Nichole, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s as if he planned this. Do you have a domestic violence center locally? They may be able to help you with advocacy and resources. Where are you staying at the moment?