When Rhoda and I talked about her being financially ruined by her ex she said that even in the thick of it, she knew she would get through it. She said it with such conviction that I wanted to know where that unwavering belief came from. Here’s Rhoda:
I have very strong faith and I have very strong parents. There was no doubt in my mind that I couldn’t come back home with my parents and start over. And that they would do whatever they could do to help me. I knew that, that was always a given when I went through this divorce.
I was living in Alabama. When my ex left, I had to face the consequences of what was happening financially. With our marriage crumbling and the deceit and lies I had to figure out what I was going to do. I was living in a house that was going into foreclosure. We had lived there for five years. So, it was like my whole world was falling apart.
But I always knew that I could go home to my parents. I always knew that and that is exactly what I did. I just got out of the house and moved all my furniture and came back to Georgia at the end of March 2011. I knew that I had a lot to do to get my life back together and get back on my feet. I knew it would take quite a long time to do that but I have got, as you can see on my Southern Hospitality blog I have an exceptional set of parents.
They have always been there and always will be there for me. I moved back home with them and they have done everything they can to help me get on my feet. I knew the financial part would be tough for a while.
After I filed for bankruptcy I had to pretty much start over from scratch but my blog business just really took off after that. Then April of this year my parents helped me buy a house for me to fix up. I had saved money while I was living with them and they put in some money so we paid cash for this house. It’s something that I can get in and afford and I’ll pay my parents back once I get in there.
Without them helping me I would not have been able to do anything this fast and that’s just another one of those blessings that has come along. I’m just really excited about getting in this house. This is my new beginning.
This house is where I’m going to start over and live my life from here on out. I’m just really, really excited about getting in this house and making it my own. It’s very fun because I blog about what I do and my readers are real excited about this house. They’ve even come and helped me paint.
Bloggers are amazing people, they are. It’s just a fun, fun network of people. Blogging has completely changed my world. I can’t say enough good things about it. I’m so excited about the future. I don’t know what the future holds. I know I’m going to move in, in the fall. And after that I don’t know what’s going to happen. I just know that I’m very excited about it. Whatever the future holds I’m excited about it.
The Divorce Coach Says
Listening to how Rhoda talks about her parents makes me think, “That’s the parent I want to be.” I want my children to be utterly convinced that they can turn to me for help no matter what the situation and no matter how old they are or I am. That’s the sort of family I want us to be because regardless of the divorce, we are still a family.
Help is two-sided. In my experience, most people are very willing to help when asked. But that’s the kicker … you have to be willing to ask. I remember in the early days of living singly I felt I had to prove that could do this by myself. I was very reluctant to ask for help. I don’t think anyone else was asking me to prove it- it was a goal I had put upon myself and I know now it was unreasonable, unnecessary and unhealthy. Going through divorce is stressful enough without adding stress from goals like proving you can go it alone.
As one of my interviewees Melanie said, asking for help means accepting that you’re vulnerable and it means admitting you’re not super-human. And another truth about divorce is that it almost always means having to do more with less. So unless you want to drive yourself crazy, like I did, ask for help and to get you started, here are my Seven Rules For Asking for Help.
Are your parents helping you during your divorce? How do you feel about that? Do you ask your ex for help? Do you have any guidelines for asking for help from your ex?
Rhoda writes the fantastic blog Southern Hospitality which is all about home decorating. She’s been blogging about renovating the fixer-upper she purchased after her divorce – it’s loaded with design ideas, how-to’s and the amazing support she gets from her parents. Well worth the time to visit …