We all worry about the impact our divorce will have on our children. Working out the logistics and minimizing the conflict with your ex are two ways you can help your children. There’s something else you can do too:
The part to focus on with kids and divorce, is how do we make sure that they’ve got the coping skills to recognize what’s going on outside of them and be able to differentiate that from who they are and not making those decisions about who they are because of their parents’ divorce. ~ Fiona McGlynn
Fiona was eleven when her parents divorced and based on her experience she has written a beautiful book, i and the Great Divide, aimed at helping children understand that their parents’ divorce is not their fault.
This is where it can be helpful to enlist professional help. Not only may your child be more comfortable opening up to an independent party, the right professional will have the experience to identify the skills that need developing and the right techniques for developing them. And it’s not just initially that your child may need help. Questions and reactions can pop up seemingly out of the blue, even years later. These may be triggered by a situation you and your ex are dealing with, by something one of your child’s friends is experiencing or even by something they see on T.V. You just never know … but if you practice good listening and keep an open mind, you’ll know when your child needs more help.