Lots of people find blogging to be therapeutic and plenty of people do blog about their divorce often using a pseudonym for privacy.
Tina Swithin, my current guest, blogs at One’s Mom Battle where she’s shared her journey in divorcing a narcissist. In her four-year custody battle her blog has angered her ex and has not escaped scrutiny. Here’s Tina;
My ex has had a really big issue with my blog and my book and we’ve been in court numerous times for that.
My name is public on my blog. I use my maiden name, so there’s no tracing it to him.
We’ve been in front of the judge many times about it and each time the judge has said, “It’s freedom of speech.” Basically, there’s nothing he’s going to do about it. I have heard other cases in courtrooms where it’s had a very negative impact on custody, because it can be considered alienation, which is a big buzz word right now in the courts, mainly with father’s rights groups.
Luckily my judge has cited my right to free speech and like I’ve said, I have not publicly named him in the blog, nor will I ever and I’m very careful about what I write. The judge did send it over to the custody evaluator. We’re going through another custody evaluation right now and so he asked the evaluator to review my blog, review my book and give his opinion to the court on whether or not it’s harmful.
The evaluator has determined that it is not harmful to the children. He said, “I have a bunch of books here in my office that I wouldn’t let my children read and unless you’re telling me you’re sitting down at night going through the chapters with your daughters, I don’t have an issue with it.”
I’ve been very, very careful to protect my daughters. I want to make sure that that’s clear. They know that I’ve written a book and they know that it’s about divorce and that I help men and women who are going through divorce. My blog is blocked with parental controls in our home, so any computer that they have access to, there is no way they could ever come across my blog.
I portray what’s going on but I keep specific details that could identify him private and I’ve been careful to protect my daughters’ identity. They have a different last name than I do, so does my ex.
My blog started out as just my personal journal. I never in a million years thought that it would get the exposure that it’s received. It was not designed to do what it’s currently doing. And it’s taken a different direction. While I am still sharing my story, it’s become about giving other people a platform to share their stories and look for information on narcissistic personality disorder and high conflict divorces.
The Divorce Coach Says
This is a tricky balancing act. Blogging about your divorce may be a right of free speech (though that’s not guaranteed) but any statements could be used against you during legal proceedings. That applies to social media in general and it isn’t limited to posts directly related to your divorce. For example, a picture of you on Facebook out enjoying wine with your friends could be used against you by your STBX as a statement of your character.
My advice for Facebook is pretty simple – shut it off temporarily or be very guarded about what you post or let others post about you.
Blogging gets more complicated because you can blog anonymously – that requires a great deal of care so you don’t inadvertently blow your cover. That would allow you to write your heart out and get the benefit of comments and support from any online community you build. It’s probably pretty safe to assume that sooner or later your STBX will find out about your blog and then you have to weigh up the potential damage to your co-parenting relationship.
I don’t share Tina’s optimism about keeping the blog hidden from her daughters – she may have access to her blog locked down at home but her children will increasingly have Internet access from outside the home and all it takes is a comment from a friend’s parent and a curious mind. And, it’s extremely difficult (impossible?) to remove content from the web …
What do you think? Are you blogging about your divorce? How does it help? Have you encountered any problems?
Tina Swithin describes herself as a one-time victim now survivor. She’s spent the past four years in a horrific custody battle with her ex who she believes suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You can read about her journey at her blog, One Mom’s Battle and also in her book, Divorcing a Narcissist.
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