Did you visit The Divorce Encouragist’s (@dvrcncouragist) blog ? In one of her recent posts, she shares that she’s Cultivating Capabilities and recently attended a training course on becoming a divorce coach. That will give you some idea of the possibilities DE started to see once she was out of her marriage.
Her marriage was a short one – just 20 months although she and her ex had been together for about five years. I know when my marriage ended, I was disappointed – I had always envisioned this long-term marriage with a partner for life so I asked DE if she was disappointed when her marriage ended. Here’s what she said…
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I wasn’t disappointed. It’s funny because when I was in the marriage and I thought about leaving, I imagined it was going to be a disappointment. I thought it was going to be a disappointment for everybody. But it wasn’t.
My parents were divorced and when it happened, I hated the idea of it for the first few years. I thought I would never get divorced, even though my parents had a good divorce. I got a little bit older and I relaxed a little and thought, ‘Maybe I will get divorced. Who knows?’
I don’t know why I felt I couldn’t back out of the wedding. We didn’t have this big day planned, we didn’t have all these guests that would be disappointed. It was really that I felt I didn’t have a good excuse not to. It was the typical thing - he makes good money, we’re starting this business, it’s going to be successful, he doesn’t beat me … It was what I was supposed to do. I’d been living with him for so many years, there was just no good reason to say no at that point.
Then when I actually went through the divorce, I wasn’t disappointed in myself, I wasn’t disappointed in us. I was just very happy because I knew it was the healthiest thing for me in particular and really for both of us. We were both in the marriage and we were both unhappy. I knew it was best to end it and start over.
My parents were fine with it. My mom had just moved 500 miles away and I called her to tell her. She said,
“You’re stronger than I am, and if I can do it, I know you’ll be just fine.”
That really propelled me through the whole time. Even now, I look back and remember what mom said to me and means so much.
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The message in this part of DE’s story for me, is the importance of listening to our inner voice and not doing things because they are expected of us. OK … there are times when I think it is important and correct to follow social expectations. Off the top of my head, I’m thinking that you should attend funeral services for friends and I believe in dress codes, for example. But I don’t believe people should get married because it seems like the next step or your parents were expecting you to.
That lesson also applies to marriage – why do we stay in relationships that aren’t working because we think that’s how marriage is? It also applies to life after divorce – it’s such a time of change and upheaval and even though it is difficult, it is a prime opportunity to create the life YOU want.
The second lesson in here is the importance of parental support – even when we’re fully grown adults, a few words of belief and encouragement from mom are so powerful. So moms, don’t wait for your child to have a crisis before you tell/show her you believe in her 
I’m a Grown Up left a comment on yesterday’s post that she also fell into her marriage – she’s writing her story on her blog currently – I’ve only just started following her so I’m not sure how it all turns out. For the better I hope :0
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Wow. Thanks for the link!!