Even with three cycles of marriage counseling behind me, I never thought divorce was a possibility. Then there were a couple of events that made me think that maybe, possibly, I should consider divorce. I’m not going to go into those events – my mission of this blog is to explore what people have achieved since their divorce; not to dig up the trauma of the divorce process. Anyway, I thought I would talk to a therapist and my acupuncturist recommended one.
Her business card says “body centered psychotherapy” – I had no idea what that meant at the time. She was Buddhist and I liked that. From the very beginning as we talked, periodically she would ask me to sit upright, still, close my eyes and think about the specific issue we’d discussed. Then she would ask me how that felt physically. At first, I thought this was weird but soon I got it – I knew what she was getting at. With her help, I used this technique many times to test decisions relating to the divorce. I still use it now and think I always will.
When I was getting up this morning, I realized there was tension across my shoulders and neck. As I showered – I do some of my best thinking in the shower – I started to think about everything going on right now, trying to pinpoint what it was that was stressing me. I know when I’ve found the particular issue because the tension increases. This time it was a work-related project with a self-imposed deadline of the end of the month. I started to think about what it would look like if I just pushed that deadline off and as I thought through the consequences, that tension slowly drained away and I could feel the energy flowing more freely through my arms. So I knew what was the right decision to make.
Melanie Mulhall, a writer, life coach and shaman, writes a blog called ‘Living The Dream.’ She calls this your Internal Guidance System and she describes the technique much better than I can. I’d recommend hopping over to her blog – it’ll be a few minutes spent investing in your future and well worth it.
Truthfully, I don’t always follow what my Internal Guidance System is telling me. Sometimes it just isn’t possible. But knowing what I should be doing helps guide my decision-making for the future so I try not to put myself in the same situation again.
Isn’t that the truth! Checking in with yourself to see where the stress lies, and then honoring that wisdom with a better choice. It’s quite something to know that we can each treat ourselves like the trusted confidant that we really are.
Melanie’s post resonated with me, too. Some days, I just feel “off” and can’t always tell what is bothering me. I just know that it’s a day for me to slow down, not push so hard. On those days, one of the warning signs is that I seem clumsier than usual, dropping papers, spilling my food, putting my fingers in the wrong spot on the keyboard, and so on. I try to take more time with each task, make sure I get a good dinner with maybe a glass of wine, then get to bed early. Somehow, most of the time, the problem comes into focus over night and quite often a solution comes with it. Like you say, often it is a deadline that’s putting the pressure on and figuring out a way to give yourself more time can make a huge difference! Switching from fast living to slow living has taken me awhile to learn–but it works!
Mandy: I also practice various forms of body awareness/body intelligence and I love the results. And, while I might not find myself in the same situation again (in whatever circumstance), I tend to move into the house next door with great regularity! LOL.
Hugs, Lynda