Today, I’d like to introduce you to Suzanne who was just 20 when she got married. After six years, she felt she was thinking about divorce but wasn’t sure if it was the right decision. Then, as her son’s second birthday approached, she filed for divorce. I asked how she knew it was time, what happened that helped her decide. Here’s Suzanne:
It was a growing, increasing feeling but I can still picture the day like it was yesterday. We had French doors that led out to a sun porch and my husband was outside mowing the grass. Every day when he would get home from work, he’d be either puttering around in the yard, talking to the neighbors, anything but being in the house with us.
I can still see my son with his little hands and his face pressed against the glass, crying because he wanted to be with daddy and daddy was just too busy. I had to tell him again,
“Daddy will be in soon and he’ll play with you.”
But by the time he’d come in it would be late, my son would already be bathed and in bed and another day had gone by and he didn’t get to play with daddy.
Granted, when you have a house, you have yard work and you have things you have to do. Your time is spread thin. But it could have been just five minutes. That was all my son’s attention span was then. His dad could have just sat played trains with him or vroom,vroomed his little cars around but everything else just always seemed to be more important. It was one thing to not spend time with me as a person but to do that to your own child.
This is not what I want in life. I want him to have two parents that love and care about him and are making it their mission to spend time with him.
I grew up in a family where family was the most important thing, it always was. Looking back, I had an amazing childhood. I couldn’t have asked for more. My parents were always there for us, supporting us, involved in all of our activities, our schooling. That’s the family I wanted for my son.
His little hands on the window were heartbreaking for me. I pretty much made my leaving plan right then and there. The next day, I called my boss and asked if I could come back to work full-time and they were thrilled. I started looking for a day care.
About a week later, we were at a party or some event and I just looked at my husband and said,
“I don’t think we should be together anymore.”
He, of course, was shocked but I think deep down he knew, he knew that something was bothering me. He didn’t want to accept it at first but once I started looked for houses and contacting a divorce lawyer, he realized I was serious.
The Divorce Coach Says
This is one of those quiet catalytic moments that brings clarity, that brings certainty that your marriage is not what you need it to be and that your spouse isn’t going to work with you to change that. This is like Sara coming home to find her hubby asleep on the couch while he was supposed to be watching the children. She knew in that moment her marriage was over. Or the night that Lauren when out with her mom and her sister and realized the time had come to respect herself.
These are the moments when our inner voice is guiding us. Who knows how long that voice has been trying to make itself heard but when you hear it, you know it and you know what you have to do.