Marriages end in all sorts of ways. Sometimes marriages end in big dramatic ways (Sandra Bullock?). Sometimes marriages deteriorate over time until something happens and one spouse says enough is enough. It’s the straw that breaks the camel back. As Kristi, over at Divorce to Happiness says, when that something happens you know it’s the end. Pippi’s (@runpippirun) marriage had been in trouble for a long time. Knowing her husband’s personality, Pippi was convinced she’d have to be capable of supporting herself if she ever did leave and she spent several years working out a way to leave. Then she had an affair. It wasn’t physical but it brought Pippi to the point of no return. Here’s Pippi:
I was having an emotional affair with a man I thought was my soul mate. We were exchanging emails and we would see each other on a somewhat regular basis. We were part of the same religious community and we would see each other there.
We didn’t see each other as a couple but I had known him for 10 years. He was my former gynecologist. Obviously, with physicians, you don’t date your patients, so I left his practice. I just always had a deep attraction to him. I felt he was my soul mate and I wanted to be with him.
I had a couple of drinks one night and just kind of blurted out to my ex-husband, “I don’t want to be married to you anymore. I’m not happy.” I didn’t say anything at the time about the gynecologist.
After I moved out of the house, I did start dating this man. Then my ex confronted me and asked if I was seeing someone. I said I was and I told him who it was. It was awful. I wish I hadn’t told him because my ex and him ran in the same circles. My ex had kind of looked up to him in the community and for me to date this person was a complete slap in his face.
I dated this guy for a couple of months and found out he was not to be. He was not my soul mate but he was the grease that got me out the door. I didn’t leave my husband for this man but if this man had not been in my life, I don’t think I would have left.
The Divorce Coach Says
Pippi posted her confession of her affair to her blog. I know there are some who would say that since her relationship with the gynecologist wasn’t physical, then it wasn’t an affair but I’m with Pippi – infidelity doesn’t have to involve sex. Some marriages are able to withstand an affair, for others, an affair brings the marriage to an end.
T has a long series on her own affair posted at Quest for T. I give T a lot of credit for writing this. It was obviously painful and difficult for her to write and then to be willing to put it out on the Internet for all to read.
I am guilty of dating a couple of married guys (true Mr. Unavailables) before I was married. Once I was married though my perspective changed (no surprise there, really). I have been of the mindset that if you’re considering an affair, then it’s time for some serious discussions with your spouse and a marriage therapist BEFORE it happens. Now, I’m wondering, is it really as black and white as that? Aren’t there circumstances, when an affair is understandable? What would you do?
On a lighter note … did Sandra Bullock know of her husband’s infidelity when this photo was snapped? What was she going to do with that Oscar? What was she saying?