Happily Ever After Divorce
Happily Ever After Divorce is Jessica Bram’s memoir of her journey from a challenging marriage through divorce to an enriching life she had not envisioned. The book chronicles her challenges along each stage of the way taking the reader through those agonizing months of deciding to end her marriage, the demoralizing and draining divorce negotiations to adapting to single life and beyond.
Personally I don’t care to read about the specific disagreements in other people’s divorce negotiations – I think I find them too depressing and more a reflection of the impossible situation created by our legal process which sets two people who previously loved each other at opposite ends of the spectrum. At the same time, it’s impossible to share your journey without including some of those details because they do add context to what follows.
I thought Jessica struck a good balance here giving the reader some helpful guidance on working through negotiations but not overly-dwelling on them. One of those tips is to make the commitment to sit down with your soon-to-be-ex and work out the details of the parenting agreement between you. Do not leave that to the attorneys.
I had to smile at her first chapter – The Light Bulb Problem – yes, it does seem that the first battle all of us newly-single ladies encounter on the home maintenance front is changing the light bulb. Evvy had A Light Bulb Moment and I had my own Light Bulb Battle.
I think divorce makes us all vulnerable – it’s natural to question what you could have done differently and as a result of that process I think we learn more about our own shortcomings than we previously admitted. Jessica, for example writes about traveling overseas with her sons and a disastrous, expensive trip to Paris. Her ex had been the travel planner, she admits to always having over-packed and also having unrealistic expectations that her boys would find Paris as entrancing as she had.
I’d say don’t let this chapter put you off traveling with your kids. With my family living in England and South Africa, we’ve always traveled so I do have the advantage that my kids are used to it and I was the travel planner. I was nervous the first time couple of times I traveled overseas with my kids but the trips worked out just great and boosted my own confidence. Contact me if you’re concerned – I’m happy to share some tips.
There were two chapters that spoke specially to me. The chapter Intimacy in Many Forms and Unexpected Places is not about dating – it’s about Jessica losing some friends after divorce and developing a new circle of friends many of whom she says would not have appeared in her married life. This is one of the beautiful consequences of divorce – the facade of a happily married couple is gone and you start to find your way back to your authentic self. It’s a discovery that motivates and snowballs. For readers who are contemplating divorce or in the midst of separation, this should provide some much needed encouragement and support.
The other chapter I particularly liked was Where Is It Written? Here Jessica expresses her frustration that society still expects us to be part of a couple. She writes about people telling her not to worry because she’ll find someone soon. Her response is “I discovered how intensely pleasurable, rewarding, and invigorating it could be to live a life without a partner to worry about.” Again, I think this is a reassuring message for newly-single readers to hear and it’s consistent with all the self-help advice, that only you can make yourself happy.
Jessica’s message about divorce is consistent with my mission for this blog – it’s about celebrating the good that can from divorce. There is no denying that divorce is difficult and painful but she sees it as a solution not a problem. She sees it as transformational and an opportunity to leap forward into a better future. The book would be a thoughtful gift for a friend facing the end of her marriage or considering that possibility.
You can find out more about Jessica at her Happily Ever After Divorce website and her Happily Ever After blog. Follow Jessica on Twitter @Jessica_Bram.
