In an article published by the Longmont Times Call, July 12, Carol Ann Wilson, a certified financial planner, said the biggest mistake she sees divorcing couples make is trying to hide financial details from each other. That tactic she says means more dollars in legal fees, since the information can always be obtained through a court order and it creates animosity between the parties.
I not too surprised by this. I do think the whole divorce process is difficult and conflict is almost inherent. It becomes more challenging when one partner has a greater understanding of finances than the other. It could be that one partner knows more about the total assets since he/she is the one that handles all the investments and money management. It can also happen if one partner has a better understanding of financial products like 401(k)s, IRAs, 403(b)s, mutual funds etc. and the taxation that goes with them.The financial disclosure process, as burdensome as it is, does little to address such imbalances.
My ex did try to hide some financial details – I think because he thought I wasn’t being “fair.” It all came to a head as we were trying to get our financial agreement signed. I thought everything was agreed and he was hesitating and starting to ask more questions about the retirement account from my job. When I responded with questions about this asset he was not being totally open about both attorneys realized that he had not disclosed everything and the agreement was quickly signed, thankfully bringing an end to the legal fees and avoiding having to go to court.
Wilson is credited with starting the financial divorce profession, creating materials for certification programs and training methods for other financial planners, attorneys and real estate professionals. She’s now offering the “Divorce Survival Kit” including audio CDs, a workbook with forms and checklists and nearly two dozen lists of things to think about. The kit retails for $100. That might sound expensive – it’s certainly much more than a book. However it could easily be less than what a lawyer charges by the hour and it could help you save at least an hour of your attorney’s time.Wilson also has a blog – Carol Ann’s Divorce Tips.
What are you experiencing? Did you ex try to hide any financial details? What happened? Any words of wisdom to share with someone just beginning the divorce process?
You can leave a comment here or visit my forum and join the Financial Mistake discussion over there.
My sister is in the process of divorce in which, unfortunately, her husband is hiding all kinds of financial information. He is, just as you describe, financially more savvy. Her best move has been to hire a “forensic accountant” to piece together the missing information. This move has given her some much needed piece of mind during a very stressful time.
That’s too bad. Ultimately, if there are children involved, then after the divorce you want to have at least a civil working relationship with your ex. Yet I think the process of coming to a financial settlement is so laden with emotion and conflicting goals, it rarely brings out the best in us.