A stunning 80 percent of divorces in the U.S. involve women who are under the age of thirty. Many of them have not had children and the end of their marriage means facing the possibility that divorce means never having children. You could be scared divorce means not being a mother.
In my experience, men have the same desire to be a parent but their biological clocks are not ticking as fast as women’s so this makes this much more of a concern for women. I’ve met women who’ve admitted to staying in a troubled relationship so they could have children as otherwise they feared they wouldn’t meet someone else before the clock stopped.
Becoming a mother is a biological instinct for many women – our thinking is less about if and more about when. Actress Elizabeth Higgins-Clark said, “I can’t remember a time that I didn’t see children as part of my future.”
At 29, Elizabeth’s was not married, her career was building and she wasn’t ready to commit to having children either with a partner or as a single mother by choice but she wanted to keep her options open for the future. That lead Elizabeth to freeze her own eggs as an insurance policy for the future and it’s a procedure that some larger corporations such as Facebook and Apple, are now including in their employee benefits.
Elizabeth is sharing her story publicly to help women recognize that they do now have more choices. The following are highlights from my interview with Elizabeth:
Elizabeth: I know for a lot of women it’s about timing and about meeting someone. For me, I just knew that I wasn’t ready and I didn’t see myself as being ready in the next two, three years, so I really wanted to do what I could to keep my options open so that I can make these decisions at a later time.
Mandy: Can you take tell me a little bit about the process and what it entails?
Elizabeth: I gave myself 20 shots over the course of nine nights. The month before I started the shots I cut back on exercise and I cut back on alcohol, and I ate really well. One doctor even suggested taking pre-natal vitamins. I had a consultation with two different doctors, and I ended up going with the one that said taking pre-natal vitamins wasn’t necessary.
It’s basically like you’re preparing your body as you would if you were trying to get pregnant. And then I gave myself the shots over nine nights. Then you give yourself the last shot which is called the trigger shot, and you have to give it exactly 36 hours before the procedure. It’s crazy. If you don’t give yourself the shot at the precise moment, the whole cycle is ruined. I was awake, but I had like four alarms set.
While you’re having the shots you go in for blood work and ultrasound, and they monitor how the follicles are progressing, which ones are becoming big enough to extract and stuff like that.
If you’re trying to decide if divorce is right for you, I have some resources for you. First, please listen to my FREE audio program, 5 Ways To Know If Divorce Is Right For You. Then, consider becoming a member in my self-paced, online divorce coaching program, My Divorce Pal. There’s an entire track devoted to making the decision and it’ll help you identify your key concerns and will give you some strategies for assessing your concerns. And you can also work with me as a private coaching client. Please contact me to set up a complimentary 30-minute consult to find out more.