When Lorraine was going through her divorce, she had a refrigerator list …
It was a list of quotes. Some of them came from books I was reading, others I’d heard. They were sayings that really defined or said alot about character or who you can be. They helped me say to myself, ‘Hey, wait a minute. I just really got trashed on. The guy abandoned me, literally, with an eight word note.’ They helped me be the person I wanted to be through the process.
“Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat,” by F. Scott Fitzgerald was one. Another was from Maya Angelou – “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
The Dixie Chicks
I didn’t have a refrigerator list however there was a Dixie Chicks’ song that I would put on repeat in my car when I needed a boost to my inner strength. It was “Not Ready to Make Nice” from their Taking The Long Way album. What rang particularly true were these phrases:
“I’m through with doubts – There’s nothing left for me to figure out”
“I’m not ready to make nice – I’m not ready to back down – I’m still mad as hell and – I don’t have time to go round and round and round – It’s too late to make it right”
“Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should”
At this time I knew I couldn’t stay in the marriage but my husband hadn’t accepted it. I could see and feel what single life would be like and I knew that was where I needed to get to. I also knew the months ahead, working through the separation would be difficult, challenging and draining. I was angry at myself for not having the strength to confront a number issues much earlier in our marriage. I was sure there was no way I could try, again, to make it work. I was done with always trying to keep the peace and not making waves.
Did you have a refrigerator list? What were some of the quotes that rang true to you? What about music? Was there an artist or song that you played to lift your spirits?
Even though I’m not a huge fan of the Dixie Chicks, that is absolutely, without a doubt, one of my favorite songs. There are times when I’ve just listened to it over and over again. It reminds me that in any relationship, personal or professional, I don’t have to live up to anyone else’s expectations – just my own. Women are so often told to be the peacemakers, to put family and others ahead of our own needs and emotions. It’s just nice to hear a woman say she’s mad as hell, she’s not going to compromise and if you don’t like it, too bad.
Great comment Shari – you are so right – as women we often put everyone else’s needs before our own. However, there are certain times when that can’t be because you can’t keep giving if your life energy is drained. That’s where I was. I knew that I would be a better mother to my children by ending our marriage.
[...] woman with class and dignity Tuesday, May 19th, 2009 | Author: Mandy When Lorraine’s husband of almost 12 years walked out on her, leaving her an eight word note, she felt had lost [...]
After my first divorce, I was driving regularly from Santa Fe down to Albuquerque, where I was in a master’s program. I’d listen to country music on the radio all the way down. It was great for bringing those emotions to the surface! I’d dry my eyes when I got to school.
After a number of months, I was starting to feel better. And Ricky van Shelton came out with “I’ve Cried My Last Tear for You.” Timely! Every time it came on the radio it was like a little celebration.
Thanks Kathleen – I hadn’t heard of Ricky van Shelton before. I did find several videos of him on YouTube – not of the song you mention. He has a great voice. Nothing like that country music to get emotions stirring.